They're on a mission from God!



Starring:
Squish as 'Joliet' Jake Brown.

And Introducing:
Rocket as Elwood Brown.

"It's 106 miles to Toytown, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of jelly babies, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."

"Hit it."

Everbody needs somebody.... ;-)

Hello, Squish here, look sorry about not posting recently but been a bit busy putting my plans for world domination into motion and i've kind of been igoring my public. All i can say is me's sorry and i'll try and do better!

...And a Happy New Year!

And to finish off 2005, here's a couple of pictures Squish didn't want you to see!!

Cute little critter ain't he?




SQUISH: That's it you're a dead man Blakebrough!

Well so much for peace on Earth then! Time to go!

SQUISH: Get back here, i'm gonna bite yer ankles.... Oh and happy 2006 to all my fans, i luv you all and will see you all next year *furry sniggers* right gotta go, now where'd he go?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hello again, sorry for not posting for a while but been a bit busy, getting ready for my favorite time of year and i've been a very good hedgehog this year so i'm bound to get loads of pressies!!

Well it's been a good year, i've got this blog started to record all my adventures (next year i'll try and update it more often promise) and my plans to take over the world continue quite nicely.

Well have a nice Christmas and i hope you like the picture of me and my adopted bro Rocket.

Luv Squish.

PS As a chrissie pressie for you heres another of my bands songs:

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This is Squish’s Christmas number one contender, he says he’s been good, it’s the age old tale of good hedgehog gets no presents and goes gunning for Santa, ‘nuff said:

"We deserve all the best present's ('cause we've been nicer than you's!) So Santa get here right NOW!"

Words: HogGod
Tune: Delilah - Tom Jones (twice through the verse then the chorus each time, assuming we remember the tune correctly)

He comes in the night and then he climbs down your chimney’s (la-la-la-la)
Leaves you your toys but only if you haven’t being naughty (have to be good)
But if you’ve been bad-ad,
Well then you’re in trouble and you’ll get nothing at all.

Well one time I woke to find that he’d left me nothing (la-la-la-la)
Surely some mistake, as I had only ever been good (oh yes I had!)
I went to find him
I set off to follow his tracks out in the snow-oh

Chorus
We deserve all the best present's ('cause we've been nicer than you's)
We deserve all the best present's (oh yes we do!)
So come on down, our chimney all nice and round
And give us our presents, So Santa you get here right NOW!

I chased him cross town that big red suited bloater (la-la-la-la)
How dare that he miss me, I would go sort him out (oh yes i would)
I gain-ned on his flying sle-igh
Rudolph and chums were not going to outrun me (no sir-ee!)

I said I’d been good as I finally caught him up on the rooftops (la-la-la-la)
He said that I hadn’t and thus I was getting nothing (but that's a lie)
He stood there laughing (Ho, Ho, Ho!)
I grabbed the sack from his hand and he laughed no more-ore!

Chorus
We deserve all the best present's ('cause we've been nicer than you's)
We deserve all the best present's (oh yes we do!)
So come on down, our chimney all nice and round
And give us our presents, Oy! Santa you get here right NOW!

I jumped in his sleight and then I took off with out him (la-la-la-la)
I left him right there and boy he was quite mad (oh hecky thump)
His face turned as red as his su-uit
It occurred to me then that I might be being a *bit* bad

I took back the sleigh and then apologised profusely (la-la-la-la)
Said sorry I’d snapped but I really had only being good (really i had)
He was still a little mad-ad
Forgive me oh Santa I will not be bad anymore-ore!

Chorus
We deserve all the best present's ('cause we've been nicer than you's)
We deserve all the best present's (oh yes we do!)
So come on down, our chimney all nice and round
And give us our presents, Oy! Santa you get here right NOW!

He looked at his list and then he went all a white-ite (la-la-la-la)
Said now too he was sorry and that I had being quite right-ight (la-la-la-la)
There’d been a mix up
I should never have being missed and the elves had got all confused-used

He looked in his sack and finally found me my presents (la-la-la-la)
But I gave him one back in penance for stealing his sleigh (least i could do)
He then let me ride for the rest of his round-ound
Now me, Rudolph and Santa were all now best mates-ates

Chorus
We deserved some nice presents ('cause we've been nice all year)
We have earned some nice present's (please we do!)
So come on down, our chimney all nice and round
And Santa, dear Santa please leave a little something for me!

And Santa, dear Santa please leave a little something for me-eeeeee!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gratuitous plug time - visit my mates over on the Stargate message board!!
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Squish on tour 2005: AMSTERDAM
Yep it's true, in preparation for me taking over the world, little old me set off this last week on a fact finding mission and my first trip abroad* took me to Amsterdam! (*well i've been to Scotland lots - but that's kinda attached to us!)














Well here i am on ship, just trying to locate my cabin...

(Sorry i don't actually have any pictures of the ship, as it was either dark when we saw it or it was impossible to get into a position where you could get it all in a photo!)

Ah, found it, my cabin...
















Better check the safety notice, just in case...















...hey were's the hedgehog lifeboat! Typical humans never thinking about anybody but themselves!

Well got my passport - so i'm okay for customs!















And here i am up on deck, sorry it's a bit dark
















Not to mention rough - we hit a force 11 gale in the middle of the North Sea, that was fun!! (but i wasn't sick - me's too tough for that!)


And here i am in HAMSTER-JAM or summat! Still it's very nice, me likes it here...















And i found a friend, but man what's that smell and is it just me or is it all going a bit blurry?














Whoa my visions come back, Oh dear... think i've got lost, i wonder if this nice lady knows the way....




















Oh dear, they must be very poor here the poor girls can't afford clothes!











And that's it, it kind of started raining - i thought the English weather was bad, and there was no way i was getting my fur wet, so i headed back to the ship.

Wonder where i'll go next?

C'ya later, luv Squish

A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away...

Well as i think as you know by now, Squish gets about a bit here he is saving the universe fro an evil Sith Lord.

Squish - Rockstar?

Another one from the archives (this one dates from October 2004) again, this adventure was narrated over a series of email.

Upto the beginning of this adventure Squish had wanted to be a Doctor but none of us were ill, so he was getting a little bored and there's nothing as troublesome as a bored Squish! :)

So he we are - Squish proudly presents his first foray into the world of music.

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: He's at it again....

Squish has formed a Rock band apparently he's fed up of nursing as none of us are prepared to let him break our legs to let him nurse it. So he's taken what he says is the next logical step and formed a heavy rock/metal band called "HogGod!", they're practising now and I'm getting complaints about the noise from 3 streets over!!

His first 'Mega Hit' (according to lead singer 'the HogGod himself - the hedgehog formerly known as Squish, Quote "Yo, Massive, PPSSST, drink beer-eat chips, we rule-you suck so ner!!" - well he's got the rebel bit down, watch out Elton!!) single has the title of "Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with yer mother!" - Catchy isn't it? - Couldn't make out the lyrics because it sounded like he was being sick whilst falling down the stairs with the bucket on his head!

I worry about him I really do, still at least he's made friends with Ronnie-the-rhino as he's been drafted in as drummer (he apparently just hits it with his head - making him a real 'Headbanger', Boom, Boom!)

The current line up is:
Lead singer/Guitar: the hedgehog..etc...Squish ..er..HogGod!
Guitar: Sherbert
Bass: Humphrey
Keyboards: Hobby
Saxophone: Bob T Hedgehog
Drums: Ronnie-the-rhino
Backing singers/dancers: Red Dog & Blue bear

And Managed by Cyril-T-Panda Esquire....
HANG ON, stop the press, suddenly everything becomes clear and I now know where an impressionable young hedgehog gets his ideas from...

CYRIL! Get in here....

---
From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Squish and Cyril what a combination.

And I bet that he is playing with my poor musical instruments. I just hope that I don't have tonnes of fluff and stuff down my sax etc.

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Cyril and Squish – I’m just scared!!! But I checked the instruments situation and well it appears you had a spare Guitar and Sax and they’re using those, Ronnie’s playing the pans and Hobby is being real careful with the keyboard!

Oh and the first single has been released and as gone triple platinum...

...it's claimed the number one spot in 'the 100 acre wood', 'Dingly dell', 'Toy town' and 'Cleethorpes'

They're also booked to headline the Chigley 'Monsters of Rock festival' (to be held in a field near Camblewick Green in Trumptonshire this afternoon!!)
And Top of the Pops tomorrow!

---
From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: HogGod go triple platinum...

I'll be watching out for that - should be good. Do we get a cut seeing as they are using my instruments?

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: HogGod go triple platinum...

Apparently they're playing for...CHIPS!

What a surprise!! - Still Squish...er...'the artist formerly known as Squish aka HogGod' say's he'll save you a portion!

Oh the reviews are in:
Kerrang rate HogGod as "...simply the best band of this or any other millennium, lead singer HogGod himself is the most charismatic front-man (front-hedgehog?) ever to grace our meaningless existence!"

Metallica: "...were not fit to lick their boots, can we be their support band on tour? Please!"

Ozzy Osbourne (this is the bit I've wanted to do since I started this line of madness!) "F****** HogGod? They're f****** marvellous! Nearly as f****** good as me, F***, Sharon where's my f****** HogGod CD and how to do I work this f****** stereo! Oh and HogGod himself? Well he's the dogs B*******, top f****** class and I'll f****** see you down the f****** pub again tonight mate, Oh f*** - Sharon there's dogs s*** on the f****** ... "(we'll leave it there I think!)

I broke my asterisks key - thanks Ozzy!!

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: And now the moment you've been waiting for...

My lords ladies and gentlemen, boy's and Girls, performing live from Chigley's Monster of Rock festival its HOGGOD!!!!

***Crowd go absolutely stonking nuts***

***music starts to build (and yes I have a tune in my head for this!)***

***Squish (Artist...whatever) leads HogGod onto the stage, crowd now completely losing it***

Squish/HogGod: Afternoon my people!

Crowd (chanting): HogGod, HogGod, HogGod...

Squish/HogGod: Lets us kick this gig off with our new double, quadruple platinum number one single (shifted a few more copies since lunchtime then!) 'Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with your mother'

***Frankly the crowd think they've died and gone to Heaven this is the defining point of their lives and frankly I'm running out of superlatives to describe it***

*** Intro kicks in, band gives it their all, crowd screams, the place has lost control and I think they like it! J***

Bring your daughter to my lair (whilst I meddle with yer mother!)
Written by Squish T. Blakebrough
Performed by HogGod

1.
In this world of fear and hate
There is something I think is great.
You'll not like it
It's something you'll not rate
But I don't care what you think
And what is more your feet stink.

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

2.
I work all day and I play all night
You're always wrong, and I'm always right!
I'm a super cool dude
I give it all my might
Don't try and stop me
Or I'll break both your knees!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 1)
So you don't like it, You may be down
I don't care, GO AHEAD AND FROWN!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
Just leave her there 'cause I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

3.
This is my song, it's the best
Sing it forever, don't need a rest!
I'll see to your daughter
When I feel that I oughta
Got to paint the town red
Plenty of time, before bed!.

Big musical interlude - banging guitar rifts ago-go!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 2)
Meddle, Meddle
Whilst I go and meddle with yer mother

Bring your daughter to my lair
Get her tied up to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(Repeat Chorus till universe ends)

*** lighters ARE out and being waved ***

The world: We're not worthy!!!

Ozzy: F****** brilliant lads!

Not quite the end... Coming soon more of Squish's songwriting!

STARGATE

(Click on the picture to see the text it a little more clearly)

Now you might think that STARGATE is just a TV show, but Squish knows better and he really did work for Stargate Command.

Unfortunatley due to offical secrets act and the fact Squish had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, we don't know what he did.

We do know he commanded the Hogsquad, an elite band of trained hedgehogs, who actually drove the M.A.L.P. advance survey vehicles to other worlds. Vehicles that people had always had assumed were remotely controlled from Stargate Command.

We also know Squish left after a couple of 'incidents' one was to do with a gun, the other we don't know about and he ain't telling.

But he got a couple of nice medals out of it.
However he ate them after he found out they were chocolate and could peel the gold foil off them!

(look just don't tell anybody we told you the US really does have a Stargate under a mountain - it's supposed to be a secret and 'they' might be upset with us if they find out we said anything!)