A Squish Adventure From the Archives - The Chip Wars
Originally told via a series of emails - Febuary 2005:

Today our nation stood at a crossroads, looked both ways then crossed, BUT that’s not all, today things went to the very edge of Armageddon itself (but apparently the view is rubbish!).

Join us as we recount 24 hours…er…minutes that nearly changed the very political structure of the planet:

The “Chip Wars”
It stated innocently enough with the regular morning correspondence between husband and wife but as you will see in these transcripts things soon took a shocking turn:

+++ Monday 10.10am – an innocent enough start +++
Did Squish kick you out of bed ok this morning?
I so did not want to get up.
What do you want for your tea?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.15am +++
It got a bit nasty when Squish attempted to throw me out of bed 5 minutes early, however I will retrieve him from being shut in the chip pan later (I'll give him chips!!!) and hope that he has learnt his lesson of let sleeping daddies lie!!

Tea - well the chip pan might be a little furry!!
Carl

PS. Squish not really in the chip pan! He got me up alright - with his SNORING!!


+++ Monday 10.20am - at this point who could have predicted the terror to come (what? is my mother coming round?) +++
How could you even jest about putting that dear sweet loveable little one in the chip pan? You just couldn't do it, not with those adorable little eyes looking at you.

I don't know what came over me then... although I did wake up at one point last night and I am sure that Squish was fixing me with a right funny glare.

We've got that ham left we could have that tonight?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.46am - then a shocking development +++
You know I caught Squish sat on my globe reading a book called 'so you want to rule the world?' he was very coy when I asked him what he was doing, do you think we should keep more of an eye on him?

As for Tea:
Ham and eggs
Ham and Chips (this one gets a vote from the megalomaniac hedgehog fraternity)
Ham, Chips and Egg.
Ham, Chips and more Chips - the newly formed 'Hedgehogs are your masters, bow down before us now - or else' political movement have switched their vote to this one (because apparently they can, Quote: "so there!!") and have also released this statement from their leader, one Supreme Commander Admiral-in Chief, his highness King Squish the first, which reads: "Stuff the ham - just give us the chips!!!"
Apparently latest news reports indicate a line of very small tanks have formed up in Catherine Street, Elland and mounted divisions of Hedgehog troops are having a whale of a time getting rides from Private Rebel (the neighbours dog and honourary hedgehog, Quote "We like him so pppsssstttt!" - is that the rain coming on?) up and down the street.
A UN negotiator has been sent in, but was sent out again when it was discovered he was not carrying any types of chips, he did however come out with a list of demands which read "We the Hedgehogs demand: Chips, not getting run over by cars, Chips, Total control of the world, Chips and finally a carton of mushy peas to go with a big bucket of Chips (salt and vinegar on those too please)"
CNN is on the scene and reports after a brief skirmish 'Wendy's' has now been taken with no injuries, however after a search revealed that the place is closed and contains no chips, quote "urgh - just smelly fish - PPPSSSTTTTT!!!" this location has been left abandoned and very small tank division's have started moving in the general direction of 'Oliver's'!!
More as we have it...

I think we better have Chips before we have an international incident on our hands!? I'll call the 'Admiral' and reel him in if I can!!
Suddenly imprisoned in the chip pan seems too good for him - it's the stockades for the boy!! Squish the cooler king? That's right stick him in the fridge!! (footprints in the butter must surely follow...)

War correspondent:
Carl S Blakebrough
Reporting.

+++ Monday 10.52am - so utterly stunned at the news Sara seems to miss it completely!! +++
So chips and eggs for you to go along with your ham then?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.54am +++
That's it? That's the sole comment - what about the very little tanks, the UN, the major 'chip' war our boy has started? This rubbish doesn't type itself you know ... oh .... hang on another email just came though - you can forget this bit now :)
Carl

+++ Monday 10.54am – composure regained the news sinks in +++
Sorry I was so stunned.
It has made me kind of scared to go home.
I think that we may need to have words with our boy Squish.....!
So am I making tonnes and tonnes of chips.?
Sara

+++ Monday 11:02am – suddenly communication lines are tapped (puddles everywhere – hedgehogs do not make good plumbers!! +++
Communiqué from War-Marshall Admiral King Squish the.. Hungry.. er.. first

We have seized control of this email to send the following:

TONNES OF CHIPS FOR US PLEASE!!!

Signed:
The first, second and third mounted rebel division Calvary troops The first, second and third infantry divisions The first and second very small tanks divisions And one War-Marshall, planet ruler, all round nice hedgehog, winner of 57 Olympic gold medals, ambassador to the moon, international megastar and worlds greatest lover: His highness: Admiral-in-chief: King Squish the first.
(PS the second infantry division also want ice cream for pudding! - TA!)
--------------

Think we might have visitors?
Carl

+++ Monday 11:06am – a supplies panic – would this set the wee furry ones off again? +++
I think that I better go and buy more potatoes on the road home... in fact I think that I better rethink the supper for Saturday night as there might not be enough potatoes left.
Sara

+++ Monday 11:06am – No apparently not! +++
Just had a text from Squish, apparently it'll be just him tonight now. The others have been called in by the mothers and can't stay out to play.
Carl

+++ Monday 11:10am – As quick as it had started it was all over only one question remained +++
Awe bless.
Just a thought... what were they all doing out during the day time anyway?
Sara

+++ Monday 11:10am +++
Taking over the world!?
Apparently happens quite often - shame we miss it being at work!!
Carl

+++ Monday 11:21am +++
If that's true, strange that we didn't see them any time that we were off.
Sara

+++ Monday 11:22am and Carl the Smartie-pants has an answer for everything!!+++
We did hear rebel barking - that must have been a Calvary charge!
Carl

+++ Monday 11:34am +++
you know I never thought on that.
Sara

+++ NOW +++
What are we to make of the Chip Wars?
Major skirmish on the world stage?
A shift in the power base of the planet?
Are we to be ruled over by small furry hedgehogs with a mad craving for chips?
(Like that could be any worse than the current administration!)
Time will tell but for now the danger is past and Squish ain’t half in trouble when I get my hands on him!!!!