Squish - Rockstar?

Another one from the archives (this one dates from October 2004) again, this adventure was narrated over a series of email.

Upto the beginning of this adventure Squish had wanted to be a Doctor but none of us were ill, so he was getting a little bored and there's nothing as troublesome as a bored Squish! :)

So he we are - Squish proudly presents his first foray into the world of music.

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From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: He's at it again....

Squish has formed a Rock band apparently he's fed up of nursing as none of us are prepared to let him break our legs to let him nurse it. So he's taken what he says is the next logical step and formed a heavy rock/metal band called "HogGod!", they're practising now and I'm getting complaints about the noise from 3 streets over!!

His first 'Mega Hit' (according to lead singer 'the HogGod himself - the hedgehog formerly known as Squish, Quote "Yo, Massive, PPSSST, drink beer-eat chips, we rule-you suck so ner!!" - well he's got the rebel bit down, watch out Elton!!) single has the title of "Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with yer mother!" - Catchy isn't it? - Couldn't make out the lyrics because it sounded like he was being sick whilst falling down the stairs with the bucket on his head!

I worry about him I really do, still at least he's made friends with Ronnie-the-rhino as he's been drafted in as drummer (he apparently just hits it with his head - making him a real 'Headbanger', Boom, Boom!)

The current line up is:
Lead singer/Guitar: the hedgehog..etc...Squish ..er..HogGod!
Guitar: Sherbert
Bass: Humphrey
Keyboards: Hobby
Saxophone: Bob T Hedgehog
Drums: Ronnie-the-rhino
Backing singers/dancers: Red Dog & Blue bear

And Managed by Cyril-T-Panda Esquire....
HANG ON, stop the press, suddenly everything becomes clear and I now know where an impressionable young hedgehog gets his ideas from...

CYRIL! Get in here....

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From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Squish and Cyril what a combination.

And I bet that he is playing with my poor musical instruments. I just hope that I don't have tonnes of fluff and stuff down my sax etc.

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From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Cyril and Squish – I’m just scared!!! But I checked the instruments situation and well it appears you had a spare Guitar and Sax and they’re using those, Ronnie’s playing the pans and Hobby is being real careful with the keyboard!

Oh and the first single has been released and as gone triple platinum...

...it's claimed the number one spot in 'the 100 acre wood', 'Dingly dell', 'Toy town' and 'Cleethorpes'

They're also booked to headline the Chigley 'Monsters of Rock festival' (to be held in a field near Camblewick Green in Trumptonshire this afternoon!!)
And Top of the Pops tomorrow!

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From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: HogGod go triple platinum...

I'll be watching out for that - should be good. Do we get a cut seeing as they are using my instruments?

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From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: HogGod go triple platinum...

Apparently they're playing for...CHIPS!

What a surprise!! - Still Squish...er...'the artist formerly known as Squish aka HogGod' say's he'll save you a portion!

Oh the reviews are in:
Kerrang rate HogGod as "...simply the best band of this or any other millennium, lead singer HogGod himself is the most charismatic front-man (front-hedgehog?) ever to grace our meaningless existence!"

Metallica: "...were not fit to lick their boots, can we be their support band on tour? Please!"

Ozzy Osbourne (this is the bit I've wanted to do since I started this line of madness!) "F****** HogGod? They're f****** marvellous! Nearly as f****** good as me, F***, Sharon where's my f****** HogGod CD and how to do I work this f****** stereo! Oh and HogGod himself? Well he's the dogs B*******, top f****** class and I'll f****** see you down the f****** pub again tonight mate, Oh f*** - Sharon there's dogs s*** on the f****** ... "(we'll leave it there I think!)

I broke my asterisks key - thanks Ozzy!!

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From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: And now the moment you've been waiting for...

My lords ladies and gentlemen, boy's and Girls, performing live from Chigley's Monster of Rock festival its HOGGOD!!!!

***Crowd go absolutely stonking nuts***

***music starts to build (and yes I have a tune in my head for this!)***

***Squish (Artist...whatever) leads HogGod onto the stage, crowd now completely losing it***

Squish/HogGod: Afternoon my people!

Crowd (chanting): HogGod, HogGod, HogGod...

Squish/HogGod: Lets us kick this gig off with our new double, quadruple platinum number one single (shifted a few more copies since lunchtime then!) 'Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with your mother'

***Frankly the crowd think they've died and gone to Heaven this is the defining point of their lives and frankly I'm running out of superlatives to describe it***

*** Intro kicks in, band gives it their all, crowd screams, the place has lost control and I think they like it! J***

Bring your daughter to my lair (whilst I meddle with yer mother!)
Written by Squish T. Blakebrough
Performed by HogGod

1.
In this world of fear and hate
There is something I think is great.
You'll not like it
It's something you'll not rate
But I don't care what you think
And what is more your feet stink.

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

2.
I work all day and I play all night
You're always wrong, and I'm always right!
I'm a super cool dude
I give it all my might
Don't try and stop me
Or I'll break both your knees!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 1)
So you don't like it, You may be down
I don't care, GO AHEAD AND FROWN!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
Just leave her there 'cause I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

3.
This is my song, it's the best
Sing it forever, don't need a rest!
I'll see to your daughter
When I feel that I oughta
Got to paint the town red
Plenty of time, before bed!.

Big musical interlude - banging guitar rifts ago-go!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 2)
Meddle, Meddle
Whilst I go and meddle with yer mother

Bring your daughter to my lair
Get her tied up to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(Repeat Chorus till universe ends)

*** lighters ARE out and being waved ***

The world: We're not worthy!!!

Ozzy: F****** brilliant lads!

Not quite the end... Coming soon more of Squish's songwriting!