A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away...

Well as i think as you know by now, Squish gets about a bit here he is saving the universe fro an evil Sith Lord.

Squish - Rockstar?

Another one from the archives (this one dates from October 2004) again, this adventure was narrated over a series of email.

Upto the beginning of this adventure Squish had wanted to be a Doctor but none of us were ill, so he was getting a little bored and there's nothing as troublesome as a bored Squish! :)

So he we are - Squish proudly presents his first foray into the world of music.

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: He's at it again....

Squish has formed a Rock band apparently he's fed up of nursing as none of us are prepared to let him break our legs to let him nurse it. So he's taken what he says is the next logical step and formed a heavy rock/metal band called "HogGod!", they're practising now and I'm getting complaints about the noise from 3 streets over!!

His first 'Mega Hit' (according to lead singer 'the HogGod himself - the hedgehog formerly known as Squish, Quote "Yo, Massive, PPSSST, drink beer-eat chips, we rule-you suck so ner!!" - well he's got the rebel bit down, watch out Elton!!) single has the title of "Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with yer mother!" - Catchy isn't it? - Couldn't make out the lyrics because it sounded like he was being sick whilst falling down the stairs with the bucket on his head!

I worry about him I really do, still at least he's made friends with Ronnie-the-rhino as he's been drafted in as drummer (he apparently just hits it with his head - making him a real 'Headbanger', Boom, Boom!)

The current line up is:
Lead singer/Guitar: the hedgehog..etc...Squish ..er..HogGod!
Guitar: Sherbert
Bass: Humphrey
Keyboards: Hobby
Saxophone: Bob T Hedgehog
Drums: Ronnie-the-rhino
Backing singers/dancers: Red Dog & Blue bear

And Managed by Cyril-T-Panda Esquire....
HANG ON, stop the press, suddenly everything becomes clear and I now know where an impressionable young hedgehog gets his ideas from...

CYRIL! Get in here....

---
From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Squish and Cyril what a combination.

And I bet that he is playing with my poor musical instruments. I just hope that I don't have tonnes of fluff and stuff down my sax etc.

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: He's at it again....

Cyril and Squish – I’m just scared!!! But I checked the instruments situation and well it appears you had a spare Guitar and Sax and they’re using those, Ronnie’s playing the pans and Hobby is being real careful with the keyboard!

Oh and the first single has been released and as gone triple platinum...

...it's claimed the number one spot in 'the 100 acre wood', 'Dingly dell', 'Toy town' and 'Cleethorpes'

They're also booked to headline the Chigley 'Monsters of Rock festival' (to be held in a field near Camblewick Green in Trumptonshire this afternoon!!)
And Top of the Pops tomorrow!

---
From: Sara Blakebrough
Subject: HogGod go triple platinum...

I'll be watching out for that - should be good. Do we get a cut seeing as they are using my instruments?

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: RE: HogGod go triple platinum...

Apparently they're playing for...CHIPS!

What a surprise!! - Still Squish...er...'the artist formerly known as Squish aka HogGod' say's he'll save you a portion!

Oh the reviews are in:
Kerrang rate HogGod as "...simply the best band of this or any other millennium, lead singer HogGod himself is the most charismatic front-man (front-hedgehog?) ever to grace our meaningless existence!"

Metallica: "...were not fit to lick their boots, can we be their support band on tour? Please!"

Ozzy Osbourne (this is the bit I've wanted to do since I started this line of madness!) "F****** HogGod? They're f****** marvellous! Nearly as f****** good as me, F***, Sharon where's my f****** HogGod CD and how to do I work this f****** stereo! Oh and HogGod himself? Well he's the dogs B*******, top f****** class and I'll f****** see you down the f****** pub again tonight mate, Oh f*** - Sharon there's dogs s*** on the f****** ... "(we'll leave it there I think!)

I broke my asterisks key - thanks Ozzy!!

---
From: Carl Blakebrough
Subject: And now the moment you've been waiting for...

My lords ladies and gentlemen, boy's and Girls, performing live from Chigley's Monster of Rock festival its HOGGOD!!!!

***Crowd go absolutely stonking nuts***

***music starts to build (and yes I have a tune in my head for this!)***

***Squish (Artist...whatever) leads HogGod onto the stage, crowd now completely losing it***

Squish/HogGod: Afternoon my people!

Crowd (chanting): HogGod, HogGod, HogGod...

Squish/HogGod: Lets us kick this gig off with our new double, quadruple platinum number one single (shifted a few more copies since lunchtime then!) 'Bring your daughter to my lair, whilst I meddle with your mother'

***Frankly the crowd think they've died and gone to Heaven this is the defining point of their lives and frankly I'm running out of superlatives to describe it***

*** Intro kicks in, band gives it their all, crowd screams, the place has lost control and I think they like it! J***

Bring your daughter to my lair (whilst I meddle with yer mother!)
Written by Squish T. Blakebrough
Performed by HogGod

1.
In this world of fear and hate
There is something I think is great.
You'll not like it
It's something you'll not rate
But I don't care what you think
And what is more your feet stink.

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

2.
I work all day and I play all night
You're always wrong, and I'm always right!
I'm a super cool dude
I give it all my might
Don't try and stop me
Or I'll break both your knees!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 1)
So you don't like it, You may be down
I don't care, GO AHEAD AND FROWN!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
Just leave her there 'cause I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

3.
This is my song, it's the best
Sing it forever, don't need a rest!
I'll see to your daughter
When I feel that I oughta
Got to paint the town red
Plenty of time, before bed!.

Big musical interlude - banging guitar rifts ago-go!

Chorus
Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(bridge 2)
Meddle, Meddle
Whilst I go and meddle with yer mother

Bring your daughter to my lair
Get her tied up to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

Bring your daughter to my lair
You better tie her to a chair
I get to her soon but I'm busy with another
She'll keep alright whilst I meddle with yer mother!!

(Repeat Chorus till universe ends)

*** lighters ARE out and being waved ***

The world: We're not worthy!!!

Ozzy: F****** brilliant lads!

Not quite the end... Coming soon more of Squish's songwriting!

STARGATE

(Click on the picture to see the text it a little more clearly)

Now you might think that STARGATE is just a TV show, but Squish knows better and he really did work for Stargate Command.

Unfortunatley due to offical secrets act and the fact Squish had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, we don't know what he did.

We do know he commanded the Hogsquad, an elite band of trained hedgehogs, who actually drove the M.A.L.P. advance survey vehicles to other worlds. Vehicles that people had always had assumed were remotely controlled from Stargate Command.

We also know Squish left after a couple of 'incidents' one was to do with a gun, the other we don't know about and he ain't telling.

But he got a couple of nice medals out of it.
However he ate them after he found out they were chocolate and could peel the gold foil off them!

(look just don't tell anybody we told you the US really does have a Stargate under a mountain - it's supposed to be a secret and 'they' might be upset with us if they find out we said anything!)

The Squishinator!

Hope you like my latest picture, click on it for the big version and don't worry 'cause...

..."I'll be Back"
**furry giggles**

A Squish Adventure From the Archives - The Chip Wars
Originally told via a series of emails - Febuary 2005:

Today our nation stood at a crossroads, looked both ways then crossed, BUT that’s not all, today things went to the very edge of Armageddon itself (but apparently the view is rubbish!).

Join us as we recount 24 hours…er…minutes that nearly changed the very political structure of the planet:

The “Chip Wars”
It stated innocently enough with the regular morning correspondence between husband and wife but as you will see in these transcripts things soon took a shocking turn:

+++ Monday 10.10am – an innocent enough start +++
Did Squish kick you out of bed ok this morning?
I so did not want to get up.
What do you want for your tea?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.15am +++
It got a bit nasty when Squish attempted to throw me out of bed 5 minutes early, however I will retrieve him from being shut in the chip pan later (I'll give him chips!!!) and hope that he has learnt his lesson of let sleeping daddies lie!!

Tea - well the chip pan might be a little furry!!
Carl

PS. Squish not really in the chip pan! He got me up alright - with his SNORING!!


+++ Monday 10.20am - at this point who could have predicted the terror to come (what? is my mother coming round?) +++
How could you even jest about putting that dear sweet loveable little one in the chip pan? You just couldn't do it, not with those adorable little eyes looking at you.

I don't know what came over me then... although I did wake up at one point last night and I am sure that Squish was fixing me with a right funny glare.

We've got that ham left we could have that tonight?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.46am - then a shocking development +++
You know I caught Squish sat on my globe reading a book called 'so you want to rule the world?' he was very coy when I asked him what he was doing, do you think we should keep more of an eye on him?

As for Tea:
Ham and eggs
Ham and Chips (this one gets a vote from the megalomaniac hedgehog fraternity)
Ham, Chips and Egg.
Ham, Chips and more Chips - the newly formed 'Hedgehogs are your masters, bow down before us now - or else' political movement have switched their vote to this one (because apparently they can, Quote: "so there!!") and have also released this statement from their leader, one Supreme Commander Admiral-in Chief, his highness King Squish the first, which reads: "Stuff the ham - just give us the chips!!!"
Apparently latest news reports indicate a line of very small tanks have formed up in Catherine Street, Elland and mounted divisions of Hedgehog troops are having a whale of a time getting rides from Private Rebel (the neighbours dog and honourary hedgehog, Quote "We like him so pppsssstttt!" - is that the rain coming on?) up and down the street.
A UN negotiator has been sent in, but was sent out again when it was discovered he was not carrying any types of chips, he did however come out with a list of demands which read "We the Hedgehogs demand: Chips, not getting run over by cars, Chips, Total control of the world, Chips and finally a carton of mushy peas to go with a big bucket of Chips (salt and vinegar on those too please)"
CNN is on the scene and reports after a brief skirmish 'Wendy's' has now been taken with no injuries, however after a search revealed that the place is closed and contains no chips, quote "urgh - just smelly fish - PPPSSSTTTTT!!!" this location has been left abandoned and very small tank division's have started moving in the general direction of 'Oliver's'!!
More as we have it...

I think we better have Chips before we have an international incident on our hands!? I'll call the 'Admiral' and reel him in if I can!!
Suddenly imprisoned in the chip pan seems too good for him - it's the stockades for the boy!! Squish the cooler king? That's right stick him in the fridge!! (footprints in the butter must surely follow...)

War correspondent:
Carl S Blakebrough
Reporting.

+++ Monday 10.52am - so utterly stunned at the news Sara seems to miss it completely!! +++
So chips and eggs for you to go along with your ham then?
Sara

+++ Monday 10.54am +++
That's it? That's the sole comment - what about the very little tanks, the UN, the major 'chip' war our boy has started? This rubbish doesn't type itself you know ... oh .... hang on another email just came though - you can forget this bit now :)
Carl

+++ Monday 10.54am – composure regained the news sinks in +++
Sorry I was so stunned.
It has made me kind of scared to go home.
I think that we may need to have words with our boy Squish.....!
So am I making tonnes and tonnes of chips.?
Sara

+++ Monday 11:02am – suddenly communication lines are tapped (puddles everywhere – hedgehogs do not make good plumbers!! +++
Communiqué from War-Marshall Admiral King Squish the.. Hungry.. er.. first

We have seized control of this email to send the following:

TONNES OF CHIPS FOR US PLEASE!!!

Signed:
The first, second and third mounted rebel division Calvary troops The first, second and third infantry divisions The first and second very small tanks divisions And one War-Marshall, planet ruler, all round nice hedgehog, winner of 57 Olympic gold medals, ambassador to the moon, international megastar and worlds greatest lover: His highness: Admiral-in-chief: King Squish the first.
(PS the second infantry division also want ice cream for pudding! - TA!)
--------------

Think we might have visitors?
Carl

+++ Monday 11:06am – a supplies panic – would this set the wee furry ones off again? +++
I think that I better go and buy more potatoes on the road home... in fact I think that I better rethink the supper for Saturday night as there might not be enough potatoes left.
Sara

+++ Monday 11:06am – No apparently not! +++
Just had a text from Squish, apparently it'll be just him tonight now. The others have been called in by the mothers and can't stay out to play.
Carl

+++ Monday 11:10am – As quick as it had started it was all over only one question remained +++
Awe bless.
Just a thought... what were they all doing out during the day time anyway?
Sara

+++ Monday 11:10am +++
Taking over the world!?
Apparently happens quite often - shame we miss it being at work!!
Carl

+++ Monday 11:21am +++
If that's true, strange that we didn't see them any time that we were off.
Sara

+++ Monday 11:22am and Carl the Smartie-pants has an answer for everything!!+++
We did hear rebel barking - that must have been a Calvary charge!
Carl

+++ Monday 11:34am +++
you know I never thought on that.
Sara

+++ NOW +++
What are we to make of the Chip Wars?
Major skirmish on the world stage?
A shift in the power base of the planet?
Are we to be ruled over by small furry hedgehogs with a mad craving for chips?
(Like that could be any worse than the current administration!)
Time will tell but for now the danger is past and Squish ain’t half in trouble when I get my hands on him!!!!

Enter the Squishtrix
Here's another picture from one of my adventures for you:



This was the time i stood in for Neo.
What? You thought it was just a film?
You humans make me laugh!
Luv Squish!

(Don't forget - click on the picture for a nice big version! - Squish)

Went to Ancient Rome once...

...The lions lost!!

(If you like you can get a big version of my picture just by clicking on it - luv Squish)

All about: The Mighty Squish! - by CSBlakebrough (the mighty ones official biography!)

Yes, he's a hedgehog, but that doesn't stop him.

Yes, he might look cute and cuddly but he hides a dark secret - He wants to take over the World and will not let anyone stand in his way!
So he's taken up residence here with me and set up this blog as means to spread his propaganda, relate his adventures and share his pictures.

So be sure to watch out for those!

In the meanwhile however till those start to appear here's his full Bio:
Name: Squish T. Blakebrough Esq. (aka The Hoggod)
DOB: 20th May 2004 (okay this is actually when he came to live with us and is his 'official' birthday, nobody actually knows what his 'real' birthday actually is!)
Height: 'of nonsense'
Eyes: 2
Sex: "No thank you, hate mushy stuff!"
Likes: Chips*
Hobbies: Taking over the world and being nice to Chip shop owners who give freebies to hedgehogs!
Soundbite: "Eat Chips, Drink Fizzy Pop, I Rule, You have smelly feet, Come here while i bite yer ankles, PSSSTTTTT!!!" (yep that's him blowing a raspberry)
Friends: Mummy & Daddy Blakebrough (adopted!), Bob T Hedgehog (his actual Dad recently returned from his own long distance adventures!), Mother Squish (who lives across town in a camper van!), Rocket the Bear (adopted Brother), Sherbert (a beanie buddy bear and Squish's 'Enforcer'), his backing band from his rock music career, Nats, Kelly, Erik Bloodaxe & the patrons of the Stargate message board ("Hi pgw!") and the dog next door!
Plus most peple who ever meet him
And not forgetting the fairies who live at the bottom of the Garden - He loves to chase them!
Enemies: Our Postman, traffic Wardens and his Arch-Nemesis Squash!

*It should perhaps be noted that Squish saying he likes Chips is a bit like saying Pele wasn't bad at playing football - He loves chips and eats nothing else** he gets violent if he doesn't get his fix and did in fact once stage a hostile take over of the local chippy (that mis-adventure to be posted in a future blog).

**Actually that's not entirely true, occasionally he will stun us all by eating something else (usually chocolate cake) really enjoying it and then the following day claiming he doesn't like it! 'Faddy' isn't the word!

Hello everybody!

And welcome to my new home...

My name is Squish and i'll be posting* all my adventures and pictures here for you all to see.

I'll also at some point be taking over the world so you all better be nice to me!

Luv SQUISH.

*Well i won't be posting them, i'll be getting my pal Carl, that's CSBlakebrough to the rest of you, to post them for me - well the keys on your puny keyboards aren't big enough for me paws! (I'll have that changed when i'm in charge!) and frankly i'm far too busy and important to do it myself!